We have no claims to integrity. This week, we partook of the Meat without guilt, without remorse, and almost without nausea.
Admittedly, we came down pretty hard on the cattle slaughtering gentlepeople at El Tango last issue. But the seed was planted, and this week we craved the flesh.
Theo's Cafe is a modest Greek restaurant in one of the convoluted strip malls adorning the Montclair Plaza. It's pretty easy to miss from the outside, and pretty easy to miss from the inside, too. The ambiance smacks of an earlier Sari Market, before the owner went gung ho with paintings on the walls and such.
After stirring up our carnivorous instincts at El Tango last week, Andy ordered a half pound of ground cow and ate the whole damn thing, much to Ryan's disgust, who only devoured a chicken fillet with pork grease. But he didn't get half the flesh high off his slab o' chicken that Andy got from his chunk o'cow. Insatiated, he got up and wandered slowly down the middle of Monte Vista Blvd., mumbling, "where have all the chili beans gone..."
Actually, there wasn't much to order in the way of vegetarian cuisine, other than a big Greek Salad. To their credit, they did prepare a vegetarian gyro for da Love Cable, and their walls sported the same pro-gyro propoganda posters as Zakie Chicken and Sari Market.
Once again, Andy drove in his new 156 thousand mile Mustang, although he probably shouldn't anymore, since in the course of a single day he nearly ran over three elderly Pomona alum, initiated intimate contact with a cement curb, and endangered the lives of all his passengers as his engine killed in the middle of an intersection. A word of advice to all tempermental auto owners--don't put a full bottle of Robotussin DM in your gas tank in hopes of benefitting from an unlikely fuel additive. The car tends to act up a bit.
There are a lot of nifty things you can do around Theo's Cafe as you attempt to walk off the several pounds of additional flesh you've ingested. You can go to the Good Guys and ask to see Manny, Moe, and Jack. Ryan can go to Marshall's and buy cheap clothes which the department stores couldn't sell, since everyone else his size is still in elementary school and demands that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles emblems adorn their apparell. You can play "speed bump" with all your friends in the parking lot as you see citizens of failing eyesight approaching in 1967 dubiously- braked Buicks.
We'd like to hear from all you crazy BB fans. In fact, Ryan would like to date you, so we hereby announce the Beggar's Banquet Win a Date With Ryan Contest. Call Andy at x4892 and leave the best message on his machine to be the lucky winner. Prize includes one date with Ryan, dinner and transportation to and from your choice of exotic locations on campus. Also, you'll receive the full week's salary of BB, and the chance to attend an actual restaurant review and write-up with your favorite food fools. Call today!
Theo's Cafe is located at 9197 Central Avenue in Montclair. Beware of the feta.